Melissa Crandall
Nonfiction, Memoir, Fabulist Fiction & Poetry
New Year, New Attitude
As Patti LaBelle sings it, “I got a new attitude.” I’m trying anyway, and isn’t that half the battle?
So Happy New Year to all. Don’t know if you partied hearty or kept it low-key like us (fabulous meal cooked by my husband, eaten while watching the National Theatre production of “Romeo and Juliet”), but however you chose to ring out the old/ring in the new (or not), I wish you a coming year of peace, prosperity, health, happiness, and mental equilibrium.
The change in my attitude can partly be blamed on writer John B. Valeri, whose annual year’s end poem hit the mark, as usual. Damned astute guy, our John. He picks up on the universality of feelings. I’d like to share it with you:
Take This Moment, Make This Wish
Do you feel a world apart
When all you want is to be together
Did somebody break your heart
When you thought you had forever
Do you feel miles away
When there’s only time or distance
Did you forget the words to say
When you were met with resistance
If you feel alone this December
It might do you good to remember
We all look up to the same sky
We breath air from the same trees
We all search for reasons why
We can agree to disagree
Take this moment, make this wish
Peace to all, and happiness
The joy comes from within
So that’s where we begin
Do you feel left in doubt
When you used to know your mind
Did you look within, without
When you left it all behind
Do you feel you’ve lost your way
When you used to have direction
Did you somehow go astray
When you reached the intersection
If you feel lost this December
It might do you good to remember
We all sleep under the same stars
We are warmed by the same sun
We all carry our own scars
We can be the change that starts with one
Take this moment, make this wish
Peace to all, and happiness
The joy comes from within
And that’s where we begin
**********
That’s where we begin…. And so I shall.
I also read something recently that talked about the cumulative effect of grief, that as each grievous thing occurs, if you haven’t had time to process it even a little, well, it’s piles up like sludge in a pipe until you’re overwhelmed. I think that’s a lot of what’s been going on with me. Not just exhausted with another year of pretty much keeping to ourselves (for those who care, yes, we’re vaccinated and boosted), but shouldering the loss of so many individuals we know and love.
But if I hope to keep the dark feelings from taking over forever (and I have the good example of certain relatives to know what that looks like when it comes home to roost), the change needs to come from inside me. Wish me luck.
Melissa Crandall 
You and John both seem to be in my head. And my heart!
I am coming to the same realization as you about cumulative grief. It is overwhrlming sometimes.
Last week I came to the realization that I cannot abide spending a third year just waiting it out. Waiting for what? I need to find practices that are healing and counteract the grief and depression. For me this is a resolve to get more exercise and to make things. Cook again, sew again, journal again. And less time in Facebook and more in real books.
I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the dark feelings taking over. I think they sucked away the last 2 years of my life. Thank you for sharing your writing about the dark and the light. It makes me hear your voice, both when I am reading it and later on, too, when I need it.
XOXO Drey
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